Perhaps it is time for me to rewrite my story. When I began writing, I began before placing both feet on the road to recovery. I shared every thought, every feeling, everything that was happening to me at the moment I was writing and the days and weeks which led up to it. My writing digressed into other topics and faded in and out through different time frames.
I have placed both feet on Recovery Lane and started the long journey through discovering who I am and who those around me are and begun to put things into perspective. I am learning to put the past in the past and to let go of those things which I cannot change. It is a long process in which I am unsure where it ends, if there is an end at all. I hope and pray that at the end of this journey, I will land where my happiness lies - true, unblemished happiness. I have to believe that regardless of my doubts.
This is the beginning of putting my life back in order. To rewrite my story now that my head has cleared and the spinning out of control has ceased. I hope to be able to get through the construction of a family, the remodeling, the fresh new smell, the first tornado warning, the tornado, and finally, picking up the debris and putting together as many pieces as could be saved along with what was lost along the way.
I enjoy writing metaphorically. I believe it adds a bit of entertainment value which makes the story a little less depressing. The past is the past. There is no going back. Nothing will ever be as it once was. I accept that. Every piece will not be found. Not all damages will be repaired. Not all repairs are my responsibility to make. I will fight my battles and leave the battles of others for them to fight.
This is the reality, ugly truths included, and I accept it for what it is. Who knows. Maybe someday I will turn it all into a book. If I call it fiction, more people will read it. It's easier to read with the belief that it's not real than to face it as a reality of life.
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